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Yesterday was a pretty momentous day! I got to eat my breakfast with a fork! For the first time in six weeks my food wasn’t pure liquid or too thin for a fork to be useful! Granted the egg whites were extremely bland, but it was a good step!

Toddler bowl with egg whites in it.

Toddler bowl with egg whites in it.

See! There they are! The extremely bland egg whites! I used cooking spray rather than margarine and it was the kind in the carton rather than actually separating the egg whites. I’m not adverse to a whole scrambled egg, I actually like that idea at the moment, but the boxed stuff is what we have at the moment. With the move coming up we haven’t been grocery shopping lately. Trying to use up what is already in the fridge and pantry so that way we won’t have to relocate all the food.

Speaking of shopping. I am never getting vanilla flavored protein powder again. I don’t care who makes it. I’ve been trying to use what I bought and with only four scoops left I am going to have to toss it. I just can’t stand it anymore. The taste alone makes me gag, I hate it that much. It’s not that I drink it too fast, or too much. It is simply the taste by itself.

This time last year I was struggling to lose weight on Weight Watchers. That program works, I had lost about thirty pounds with them but I hit a serious plateau. From January until June I lost and regained the same five pounds over and over. I was completely stuck between 250 and 255lbs. I gave up. I was walking 3.5 miles five days a week and I couldn’t get below 250. When I gave up, I exploded. It’s the best way I can describe gaining 44lbs in four months.

So, I haven’t lost any weight since Monday. Granted it’s been two days and I really shouldn’t be freaking out about it. But last week I was seeing a loss every day and not seeing that loss has that little sinister voice of doubt whispering in my ear. It sounds crazy, but I started wondering when I was going through the process of applying for my surgery and the thought just hasn’t left me.. that maybe, just maybe, I am meant to be fat forever. Mostly that thought was related to the possibility of being denied for the surgery. I think I just need to get below 250lbs. I need to see a 248 or 249 on the scale to get past the phobia left behind from that six month stall out.

The move is coming up in two days. I won’t have a computer after tomorrow night when I move my computer and my son’s computer over to the new house. The movers are showing up between 8-9am on Friday and I have an appointment with my dietitian. I also do not trust anyone but myself to move my computer. Unfortunately I don’t know how long I am going to be without internet. It may take a while for it to get hooked up at the new house. As long as two weeks, actually.

Since my son’s summer vacation starts on Friday, the day of the move, I am thinking it may not be the worst time in the world for him to get himself his first library card. I haven’t had a new one in forever either. Which is a shame because some of my better memories is visiting the library once a week when I was growing up. Who knows, I might just pick up some books on how to speak another language and try to teach myself Spanish.. again. I tried that before and it didn’t work out that well. But I was younger then and less given to focus on studies like I am now.

On June 18th I am hoping to be able to get a gym membership because I live in Texas and once the summer gets into full swing even early in the morning is going to be disgustingly hot and humid for me to be walking outside. Though if I have to do it, I will. Even going to the gym is a bit of a hiccup for me. Not as much as walking outside during the summer, but still a bit of a hiccup. I just don’t feel like I belong in a gym. I feel like I stand out, and there’s that silent feeling of being judged. Even if no one ever even looks in my direction. Just another person perception issue that I have to overcome.

  • Heaviest: 294lbs
  • Now: 256lbs
  • Lost total: 38lbs
  • Lost since surgery: 15.5
  • Weeks since Surgery: 4
  • Pounds per week: 3.87lbs