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Back just before I would start on the path that would lead to my weight loss surgery I didn’t think Medicaid covered them. I found out that Medicaid would but I didn’t think I would qualify to be approved.  I was. It was like the universe granted me a gift.

I bring this up because lately I haven’t been posting on my blog out of a sense of shame. I’ve been eating the wrong things. Horribly wrong things. After work last night I’m at the kitchen table with only a bite or two left of Frito Pie, yes Frito Pie, and I think to myself “I’m squandering my gift.”

Pretty much every rule or guideline for eating and general health after weight loss surgery I’ve either broken or bent to my wishes over the past two months. I’ve been drinking fluids just before or just after meals. I’ve had breaded foods and white pasta. As stated with the Frito Pie I’ve had fried foods. Chips have happened.

My post-op dietary sins have been great and I feel terrible. There’s a lot of guilt about it and a sense of failure.

But after my epiphany last night I’m resolved to get back on program and make the changes that need to be made. No more cheating myself or robbing myself of this gift I’ve been given.

When I crave bad things I just need to deny myself the same way I deny myself when I crave cigarettes still after having quit those over two years ago.

To help keep me accountable I’m going to start writing in a food journal again.