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I haven’t been fantastic about updating my blog here because of the simple fact that my computer is still down and I am horrible at typing on my phone.

I am currently a size 16 and stalled out at 167 pounds. I have no one to blame but myself for that situation either. So, I am kicking myself out of the house tomorrow to go for a walk and exercise before work.

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And before photos lest we forget…

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294 Pounds

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294 Pounds

I got contact lenses and new backup glasses for my birthday on the 6th. I personally love them both but I seem to prefer the glasses when I am at home and not going anywhere.

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Speaking of my birthday… I had a date on March 5th with a twenty-four year old. At first I was hesitant because, hello, I’m now thirty-five. But he said he wanted to sweep me off my feet. I thought the date went really well and I had that happy cloud nine thing going on. He said he wanted to go out again the next night, on my birthday but then he rain checked and I didn’t hear from him. I hear from him again and we make plans again and he cancels again and I haven’t heard from him since and I’ve now walked away from that situation before that gets ridiculous.

So,  I attempt to move on and I set up a date with someone my own age group and he too cancels and I don’t hear from him again either.

What I failed to keep in mind is that when I allow myself to be swept off of my feet I’ve no footing if they decide to drop me on my backside. Right now I’m trying to decide if the bruises are worth it to me or if I need to keep a foot on the ground in the future to catch myself.

This situation with the good first date and then being blown off hits a lot of my insecurities. As I mentioned in my first post, in middle school there was a group of boys whose favorite way to torment me was to pretend to like me and then change their tune when I started to believe it… “I like you… Just kidding!” The ex I lived with: “you’re beautiful but could use to lose some weight.” All these things make me doubt… myself, the sincerity of others.

So I am taking a breath and focusing on me as long as I need to.

I discovered a certificate of completion for real estate is only going to take five classes but an AAS in Real Estate would take me ten. I am going for the certificate first so I can get my license. There is nothing that says I can’t go back for those last five later on.

I’m also saving up for IVF with donor sperm in case I’m still single. I want more kids and I refuse to leave it to chance or fickle romances. Though Target seems to be rushing me.

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They sent me a catalog of baby things.

That’s all for now. But I will share my walk/without stuff tomorrow and post again.

Heaviest weight: 294
Weight at surgery: 271.5
Current Weight:167
Total Lost: 127

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