Dating/training

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Recently a dating experience kind of went belly up on me in a fantastic fashion. (Read: it went epically bad). In the past I would have just wallowed in the aftermath, picked up a romance novel or twelve and gone on a snacking-while-reading binge that wouldn’t have me leaving the couch for about a week after gaining six or seven pounds.

Instead, I signed up on Runkeeper for a 5k training program. Today was the first day of said program and I learned a few things during the two miles I did today.

  1. I can’t run any further now than I did a hundred pounds ago.
  2. If I haven’t been walking like I should have been what made me think I could run?
  3. I need new shoes desperately.
  4. I need a new method of phone transportation because I had to have a death grip on it to keep it from bouncing out of the holster I have.

So, the current plan is to spend the next month walking every day, jogging when I can as far as I can, and getting to the point where doing the 5k training program is an option. Because a year ago when I was 294 pounds and I was walking 3.5 miles, what got me through it was daydreaming about being able to run it.

I’m not giving up on dating. I just think I need to divert some of the energy I’ve been using towards that, toward something more lastingly productive.

screenshot of my time/distance

Not sure how else I can share that on here… tips on that would be welcome.

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Work, dating, and oh look photos

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Alright so I haven’t been spectacular about updating my blog as much as I was planning to when I created my New Year’s resolutions and I do need to get better about it. I’ve been working overnights for the past three nights, which presents an all new set of routine problems as far as when to eat and finding the time to exercise. The flat out truth is that I haven’t been exercising on the days that I work at the big store and I think that’s alright, because I am never sitting down when I am there. I am constantly in motion when I am at the larger location, including sweeping and mopping the entire store and stocking in the cooler which involves lifting heavy boxes. When I am at the smaller place, where I can sit and read, yeah I work out before I get ready to head in.

I had a date on the 16th of January that I thought went really well. But even before the first date/meeting from the dating site we were on, he was pretty bad about texting me. I’d wait like a day or two before hearing back from him and then we met and he said he was really interested in pursuing more. Only then last night we were supposed to spend time together and I didn’t hear from him. Now, I understand that just because I’ve lost weight, does not necessarily mean that dating is going to magically become simpler. I’m going to come across some duds, and that’s alright.

Now, probably wondering what dating has to do with the reinvention of me and how I’m constantly looking to improve myself. Well, it’s simple really; a year ago I would have bought whatever excuse was tossed at me about why someone couldn’t bother to text me because mentally I was at a place where I was like “well, this is as good as it gets.” The person I am now, just simply removed him from her Facebook friends list and went back to checking into the dating site daily.

I don’t deserve better now than I did a year ago; I just feel like I do.

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294 Pounds

January of Last Year

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271.5 pounds

May 5th 2015

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177 lbs January 24, 2016

Today

  • Heaviest Weight: 294
  • Weight at Surgery: 271.5
  • Current Weight: 177
  • Total Lost: 117

Scale said what now?

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I hopped on the scale this morning when I woke up and kind of just stared at it for a moment or two. It had this 183 staring back up at me from the digital display. I am not even sure if actually gaining three pounds back is physically possible only eight months after surgery or if it’s just water weight. I haven’t been the worlds best when it comes to sticking to the bariatric diet in the past month. Regardless of if it was water weight or actual weight gain it got me racing for my treadmill to start walking and exercising again.

Work is presenting a little bit more of a challenge this coming week with the addition of working overnights. I’ll have to map out a schedule for food, of sorts, so that way I am still eating at regularly planned intervals and not doing the all-night grazing thing when things get slow.

I walked two miles on the treadmill, did two sets of 15 reps with a three pound weight for bicep curls and triceps presses, I did five squats, five sumo squats, ten mule kicks each leg, twenty-five  crunches, five leg lifts and I did planks. I plan on doing this again every other day. The walking I am planning on doing every single day.

I owe it to myself to stop slacking.

Work Pitfalls

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There have been a couple of things that I have been struggling with in regards to my routine and my new job. Yes, one of those things I am struggling with is keeping up with my blog and posting. The other struggles involve food and exercise.

Late night foraging.

I think that the biggest issue I face right now is that when I get home from work I always want something to eat. Doesn’t matter what time it is that I am dragging myself through the door, whether it is nine at night or eleven I will want to shove something into my face before I flop into bed. I need to seriously break myself of this habit because it is a very bad one.

Meal Skipping

With my new job I do not get breaks, this includes the fifteen minute breaks or meals breaks. So, I am eating at the register these little P3 things, they have 13-15g of protein in them and they aren’t bad tasting. It’s not ideal though, to eat standing up like a horse because then it just doesn’t compute that I actually had a meal and not just a snack. However, tomorrow I will be skipping entirely, unfortunately. I know it’s bad to skip meals and bad that I know I am going to do it and I am doing it anyway. But, I work at a gas station and tomorrow is the Powerball and I’m working the peak time for that huge line. I’m going to hydrate and have a big meal before I even go in to work.

Exercise blahs

Like I said previously, I do not get breaks when I am at work so I am standing for eight to ten hours straight. I shudder to think how my feet would have felt 112 pounds ago, I’d have probably been crippled with pain on a nightly basis, but even lighter it is not easy on my feet. So, when I am at home on my days off or even before work I have been looking at my treadmill and then looking down at my feet and I hear that inner voice of mine get all whiney with “I don’t wanna!”

I’m working on all of this and trying to get back to basics. If any of you have any tips on how to do that, would be greatly appreciated.

 

Note: I don’t have a recent photo so I will get one of those taken and I will do my 8 month post-op post tomorrow before work. It’s a bit late, should have done it a week ago.

Note again: Waiting until the last minute to buy a lotto ticket, is like waiting until the last day of a week long 75% off sale. You aren’t getting better than 75% off, and your odds don’t increase for winning, only your wait in line does.

Recipe Cherry-picking Season!

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Today is New Year’s Eve and do you know what that means? I will tell you what that means! It means that every person on Pinterest who has been pinning recipes as if they were trying to carb-load like they were planning on running a marathon daily for a month, since October, are now going to be pinning healthy low carb, sugar free, recipes like they’ve all suddenly become dietitians!

It’s the time I’ve been waiting for with breathless anticipation because I need it!

It’s recipe cherry-picking season!

The Resolutions

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I’ve been thinking it over and I decided that I need to be a bit more in depth with this blog. Not only that but more consistent with how often I post. I just feel that I am not only letting myself down but also all of you, my followers.

To that end I’ve added to my list of New Year’s Resolutions that I will post at least every other day. I would have said every day but I fear I am not all that interesting; at least in my mind. Actually in my mind I’m extremely interesting; it’s in practice where things become vanilla.

Perhaps I should add “be more exciting” to the list. Though I think one of the resolutions may cover that already. Oh well, it’s worth mentioning twice perhaps.

I had “get a job” on a previous list but I managed that one already. Actually I’m writing this blog post at work in a notebook using a pen and actual paper. I’ll copy it over tonight when I get home.

My work is as a Customer Service Representative, a fancy term for a clerk at a gas station. I won’t say what company as I don’t really like the idea of getting into trouble.

I hate how intrusive companies are now in the lives of their employees. That any post on social media could get someone in trouble annoys me a great deal; the same with the school system these days. In my opinion if a person is not on-the-clock or on company property I really don’t think they should be punished for what they say or do by their employer. I’m sorry but I don’t think “employer” should be synonymous with “owner”.

Anyway I normally wouldn’t even have the time or inclination to write all this at work except I am what is called “the kiosk” today. The kiosk is a box that is half bullet proof glass in a nine-pump cluster of fuel pumps. It takes me exactly five steps to cross from one side of the box to the other, I should know, I counted. Most of the customers pay at the pump with a card and when I have to handle a customer it’s through a sliding drawer and a speaker system that I can barely hear even with it turned up to maximum volume. I’ve had about one customer per hour for the past seven hours of a ten hour shift and I already read an entire Soap Opera Digest from cover to cover.

I want to make it clear that I have a decent job. My co-workers are good people and I do like my boss quite a bit. However, on the chance of sounding like I am complaining, or worse, a snob; this is not where I pictured myself at the age of thirty-four. I have an Associate degree in Marketing. I had an accumulative GPA of 3.374 for over 87 college credit hours and I was on the Deans list.

I don’t hate my job; I dislike where I am in life. I feel like I should be somewhere “more” I don’t know if I should push to get to where I could be content or be content with where I am. Which would make me happier? Maybe just “find a way to be content.” Whether that is moving forward or finding some inner happy place.

Of course, what list of New Year’s Resolutions would be complete without some about exercising and weight loss. I have those there too.

I haven’t been very good lately about measuring portions or having my protein shakes. I even started allowing myself a handful of potato chips every now and then. I’ve just been rotten and fell off the wagon rather hard.

So, one of my resolutions is to stop cheating myself by cheating on the bariatric diet.

I also would like very much to reach my goal of 145 pounds and be a size 10, though I would be happy with a size 12 also.

As for dating, I am still at a loss on that one. I would like a relationship but it has been so long I am not sure I know how to be in one. So we’ll see what happens in the New Year.

My New Year’s Resolutions

  1. Waste less of my life reading about fictional happily-ever-afters and seek my own.
  2. Spend less time on virtual reality and more time improving my actual reality.
  3. Get back on plan as far as my bariatric diet. Stop cheating myself.
  4. Walk on my days off and eventually on days I am working.
  5. Be more socially active.
  6. Reach 145 pounds.
  7. Get to a size 10 maybe 12.
  8. Spend at least 30 minutes every day writing in my journal.
  9. Post at least every other day on my blog.
  10. Find a way to be content.

Brief overdue update

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I haven’t written in a long time in my blog here. I should be able to write more often soon. I recently got a job and I am starting to get used to the new schedule. It has completely thrown me out of whack. I’ve been skipping meals, not planned, but it’s happened and I regrettably got addicted to caffeine again so I am having to wean myself off of it again.

I did make a pie for Christmas though that I wanted to share with all of you because it turned out absolutely scrumptious and it wasn’t as difficult to make as it sounded.

Impossible Eggnog Blender Pie

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Funnily none of us tried it until the day after Christmas because I work at a gas station, so I had to work Christmas day in the afternoon and I think I made them all a little nervous about trying new things after the applesauce “brownies” at Thanksgiving. Those were mostly a texture thing though, I am not entirely pleased with the texture of coconut flour.

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I got some delightfully warm pajamas for Christmas along with some slippers. Maybe it’s just me, but my hands and feet have been extremely cold after losing all the weight that I have.

I’ll have more to post soon enough, since this isn’t just a blog about my weight loss but my journey as a changing person I’ve got some other things I want to improve on.

Oh and I got my nails done. Solar nails for New Years, I had them all sparkly because I thought maybe it’d be more festive!

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It’s interesting relearning how to type with them though. Luckily I didn’t get them any longer or doing anything on the computer would be hopeless.

  • Heaviest Weight: 294
  • Weight at Surgery: 271.5
  • Current Weight: 186
  • Total Lost: 108

Quick update and Thanksgiving

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Well, there is quite a bit for me to share in this post, mostly because I haven’t been posting like I promised myself that I would. But fear not, I have some personal goals in the near future that will, hopefully make me better about posting with more frequency.

First things first I suppose and I should begin by saying that I was not hurt, but on the eleventh on my way to an appointment with my surgeon I got into a bit of an accident. I was in the far right lane, someone in the left turn lane decided they didn’t want to turn after all and kept going straight, which caused the person in the lane next to me to swerve and sideswiped my car. They didn’t stop, and to be completely honest, I am not sure that I would have bothered them with their insurance information anyway since really it was the fault of the person in the left hand turn lane. To make matters worse that day, I ended up not seeing my surgeon because someone had overbooked appointments that day and my son only had half a day at school. Though I did get to see him on the thirteenth after I rescheduled.

I have to go get another endoscopy done on the 4th of December so he can check on my ulcer and see how that is doing, whether it is getting better or not. I am not looking forward to another one of those, but at least I sleep almost all day after it is done so it turns out to not be that big of a deal.

Thanksgiving was a bit of an event, as you can see from the pictures maybe I attempted a little bit more than I can manage. By “maybe” I mean, I definitely did and I spent hours nauseous in the bathroom for my efforts. I made this applesauce brownie recipe that only calls for three ingredients. It was alright but I am not entirely sure I love the texture of coconut flour.

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Turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, green beans, mashed potatoes.

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Applesauce Brownie

Hopefully I will have more worthy stuff to post in the future. But lately I’ve just been feeling a bit blah about everything. Likely all the rain that has been taking place where I live, this year has been the wettest year in recorded history for the DFW area of Texas.

The good, the bad, the unfortunate

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The good!

There has always been on little thing that I always wanted to do and never managed to be able to do it; cross my legs at the knee.  The ladylike knees crossed when sitting in a chair or on a couch while wearing a skirt. I wasn’t wearing a skirt at the time but I actually managed to pull it off the other day while reclining on the couch reading a book.

The Bad!

My son has been wanting Cheese-its for his school snack lately and I went out and I got him some. What is the bad part about this? Every now and then I snitch a handful of them at lunch. This is bad! Those little cheese flavored processed carb loaded squares with zero nutritional value are getting the better of my good sense!  But, now that I have admitted to the problem, I can go about overcoming it. I’m just going to treat it like my craving for cigarettes and take a deep breath and tell myself “I do not need that crap!”

The unfortunate!

I have my six month post-op doctor appointment tomorrow and when they called to confirm my appointment the woman asked what insurance I have and when I told her Aetna Medicaid she said that after the first of the year my doctor will no longer be accepting any Medicaid providers. He will still see me, but I will have to pay cash and it’ll be a flat rate for my follow up appointments. So, for me, it will not be as bad as it could have been.

But then I think about where that leaves others with Medicaid. I get a lot of people see as gastric bypass as an elective or cosmetic surgery, but I had elevated cholesterol and fatty liver disease which increased my risk of psoriasis. My surgeon was the last in my area to still accept Medicaid and so I think it’s really unfortunate, and indeed a shame, that he is no longer going to be accepting it. Because now, with him having been the last, there’s really no options for someone who was in my place, or worse off, to get the help that they need.

I do not blame my doctor for it. I’m sure his office had to jump through a plethora of red tape and hoops to get paid for their services. It’s just the way that it is.

Hairy Situation

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Throughout the years, with the exception of a couple of poor style choices, the one thing I could always count on is my hair. Approximately every two years I would donate a foot, or more, to Locks of Love for thirteen years. It didn’t matter how big I got, my hair always got compliments, unless it was one of those aforementioned poor choices on my part.

Why am I bringing up my hair? Because I’m shedding worse than an Alaskan malamute in Miami! I take a shower and I can actually see hair going down the drain or on my hands. I dry off and there’s a bit on the towel and then there is the mouse-sized hairball when I comb! It’s horrifying!

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I’ve been trying to be good about my protein intake and, if I’m measuring right, I am getting at least seventy-five grams of protein a day like I should be, so I am going to be aiming for eighty to eighty-five to see if that helps in the hair loss prevention. But at the same time it may just be that I’ve dyed my hair a few too many times since I had the surgery as well. It’s a coin toss at this point and may continue to be a coin toss because on top of the protein intake I have zero intention of dying my hair again.

I debated about bringing this to my blog. It’s embarrassing for me, or at the very least uncomfortable to talk about. The fact that it makes me uncomfortable is exactly why I finally decided to write up a post about it. Hair loss, or thinning, was one of the few things that wasn’t given a lot of air-time when I was researching a gastric bypass before I met with my surgeon, dietitian, and bariatric coordinator for the very first time.

Bottom line is that after a gastric bypass the body goes into a starvation mode and protein and other nutrients are directed to vital organs first. The lack of protein to the hair then interrupts the hair growth cycle causing hair loss if not enough protein is consumed because no matter how vital we may feel our hair is, our bodies just don’t see it as important. For the first six months, to a year, consuming enough protein without supplements is impossible because of the size of the pouch left over and that is where the protein shakes twice a day come into play.

While I am on the topic of hair today, shaving my legs has become a little more interesting. Granted, because of all the weight loss I’ve had, there is less leg to shave but because of how much weight I’ve lost my skin on my inner thighs is loose which makes it a little bit trickier than it used to be.

It’s a good problem to have, I may be grasping at straws complaining about that one.

Well, those are my issues for the day. I will try to post more often from now on, and maybe not even only about the weight loss and surgery because really this blog is about all of me and all the changes going on in my life.